In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful,

All praise is for Allah, Lord of all the worlds, and may peace and blessing be upon the most noble of messengers. To proceed:

I am turning to you, honorable shaikh, with a question about the issue of divorce, which is as follows: 

A month after getting married in 1997, I had a problem with my family since I was living with them in the family home, and I said, "I am divorced if I sleep in the house tonight." I said this because they usually take divorce more seriously than other oaths out of ignorance and I didn't want anyone to object. My intention in this was to swear by divorce, but not to pronounce the divorce itself.

My family insisted that I not leave the house, so I slept there that night. Then I asked the preacher at the mosque in our town about that, and he told me that it would indeed be considered a pronouncement of divorce.

In January of the year 2006, I had relations with my wife in the evening and the following day, I said to my wife, "You are divorced." (The pronouncement of divorce was straightforward and clear.)

In March of the same year, 2006, I had a bit of a disagreement with my wife and I raised my hand to her in the evening. Then, she left my house in the morning, took her belongings and went with my son and daughter to her nephew's house. I tried to get her to come back. I apologized to her and to her brothers about losing control and I offered to accept whatever conditions they imposed on me, but they refused and insisted that I divorce her. For twelve days I kept trying to get her back. Then, on the 27th of March, before the maghrib prayer, I was speaking to my wife's eldest brother about him coming from New York to California at my personal expense to solve the problem and make amends between me and my wife, but he spoke to me rudely and said that my wife didn't want me and neither did her brothers. Then he asked me to divorce her, so I said that as long as that is what you want, she is divorced. Then I entered the mosque to pray the maghrib and I told the imam that I had divorced my wife. I explained to him that this divorce was the third, so the imam of the mosque wrote up a document saying that I had divorced my wife three times.

After fourteen months had passed, I decided to inquire as to whether or not there was any chance of getting her back, and some of the sheikhs—may Allah reward them well—issued the verdict that the first pronouncement was just an oath and the second and third pronouncements were real divorces and that it would be possible for me to get my wife back with a new contract and a new mahr (obligatory bridal money).

My wife's brothers demanded a written fatwa from Shaikh Salah as-Sawi—may Allah preserve him—concerning the three pronouncements of divorce and the verdict of the document that says that I divorced my wife three times.

I earnestly entreat you to let me know quickly and may Allah reward you well.

In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Grantor of Mercy

All praise belongs to Allah, and may prayers and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family and true followers. 

As for what you mentioned about saying, "I am divorced if I sleep in the house tonight," this is the wording of taking an oath by divorce. An oath is anything meant to urge, prevent, assert or deny. Scholars have differed as to whether or not with this wording divorce actually occurs should the oath be broken.

* The opinion of the majority of scholars is that divorce does indeed occur when the oath is broken because whoever took the oath made a commitment to something by including this condition, so he is bound by the commitment he made.

* A group of scholars dissented in this, however, considering this wording to fall under the verdict of oaths, because an oath is anything that implies urging, prevention, assertion or denial, which binds the one taking the oath to something he would hate to happen if he fails to keep his oath. If this is considered according to the verdict of oaths, it would require expiation should the oath be broken, which would be to feed ten poor people, to clothe them or to free a slave. Whoever cannot afford one of these, should fast for three days. However, the divorce does not occur. Some of their evidence for this is as follows:

1. That he intended to urge, prevent, assert or deny—obliging himself to do something he hates if he breaks his oath—and this is considered a solemn oath by the whole of creation, Arabs and otherwise. This was also the oath of the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them all), it is the oath of Arabs in general and it is an oath according to all of the scholars of fiqh. If this wording is indeed an oath, then what should occur is what happens with all other oaths; if the oath is not kept, expiation must be paid, as it would be encompassed by the saying of Allah Most High,

 {Allah has already ordained for you (O people), the dissolution of your oaths.} [At-Tahrim 66:2]

And by the hadith of the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace), 

"Whoever took an oath and then found something else better than it, let him pay expiation for his oath and do what is better."
 

2. By analogy to the oath of emancipation: this is because it has been established from a number of the Companions that they declared a verdict on the oath of emancipation that the one who swears to free his slave is not bound to do so; it would suffice for him to pay the expiation. Therefore, since freeing slaves is one of the most beloved acts to Allah, since it has an effect on the property of another person, and since it is more effective and immediate in implementation than anything else, yet the intention of oath-taking prevents its occurrence as the Companions judged, then it would be more worthy and more appropriate for a divorce to not occur. 

It appears that this opinion is more sound in evidence, more protective of families, and closer to achieving the objectives of Shari`ah. This is the opinion given by many leaders amongst the modern scholars. As such, this pronouncement of divorce does not count according to the most correct opinion of the scholars, but you are accountable for the sin of swearing by other than Allah and you must pay the expiation for an oath, which is as was said: to feed ten poor people, to clothe them or to free a slave, and for the one who cannot afford any of these, to fast for three days.

We lean toward the opinion that it does not occur, so as to go easy on the Ummah, to grant them a reprieve and to save their families from being torn apart. As such, it appears that none but the third situation actually counts as a pronouncement of divorce [so it is only one time, not two or three times] and you may marry your ex-wife again. Fear Allah and do not do this any more. We ask Allah to grant us and you, stability and well-being.

Allah knows best.

Related fatawa: 85735, 86921