I had some further questions regarding the fatwa 2251:

In your answer you have mentioned that men have a stronger sexual desire and that’s why women are obliged to answer [i.e., for a woman to respond to her husband’s sexual advances], but men also have to fulfill their obligation. My question was, even if a man DELIBERATELY doesn’t satisfy his wife or doesn’t give her her rights, she still cannot disobey him or refuse to share his bed. I know Islam orders men to treat women kindly, but there are good and bad people in every society and it seems there is much less protection for women against bad people.

The husband has so much control over his wife’s life that it makes it very easy to abuse it. It seems that Islam’s stance on marriage for women is if she gets a bad man as a husband then hard luck: only when things become unbearable she can ask for divorce. I know divorce by a man for no legitimate reason is disliked and discouraged, but from what I have read it certainly cannot be prohibited. In fatwas from your site, you have mentioned Hazrat Hasan Bin Ali used to divorce lots of women, and from what I have read he married 70 women. Hazrat Ali disapproved of it but didn’t stop his son from doing that. If it was prohibited, he would have stopped him, and he [Hasan] would have certainly obeyed his father. The hadith “The most hateful permissible action is divorce” is also weak and not authentic.

One thing I cannot understand is that in Islam even unnecessarily cutting a tree is considered a sin, but there is no punishment for a man who emotionally breaks a woman by divorcing her without a reason — it is not even considered a sin. Divorce was painful at that time, too. At the time when Hazrat Ali (May Allah be pleased with him) wanted to marry Abu Jahl’s daughter, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) openly denounced that in public, as it would have meant he had to divorce Hazarat Fatima (May Allah be pleased with her) and this would have hurt her.

You have also mentioned that, “Usually, women are emotionally — and not rationally — motivated. This is why asking for divorce by the wife — for no legitimate reason — is a sin”. This doesn’t make any sense to me. That means a poor man should be punished very harshly for theft as he is more likely to steal because of his poverty, but a rich man shouldn’t be punished for that at all as he is already rich and will probably not steal.

Shouldn’t it be the other way round?

In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Grantor of Mercy

All praise belongs to Allah, and may prayers and peace be upon Allah’s final Messenger.

My respected sister,

Try to look at the issues with impartiality, and you will find that what is legislated in Islam is the ultimate wisdom.

There is no doubt that men are dominant in the partnership of marriage. That is the nature of things. This is true throughout the ages, cultures, and the strata of all societies.

Now, if you lock a man into this relationship with a woman he dislikes, who is the greater loser? The woman, for sure. Thus, the wisdom is to allow men to divorce their wives when they want, given they have a reason, and they are not doing it merely to harm their wives; but at the same time, to discourage men from this act. That is exactly what Allah legislated.

Concerning the hadith about divorce, in which the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

"أَبْغَضُ الْحَلَالِ إلى اللَّهِ تَعَالَى الطَّلَاقُ."

“The most detested act of those that are permissible is divorce.”

This hadith was reported by Abu Dawood and others. It is considered sound by some scholars and weak by others, but even if it is weak, it is not the only hadith concerning the issue of divorce. The Prophet (pbuh) also said,

 "إِنَّ إِبْلِيسَ يَضَعُ عَرْشَهُ على الْمَاءِ ثُمَّ يَبْعَثُ سَرَايَاهُ فَأَدْنَاهُمْ منه مَنْزِلَةً أَعْظَمُهُمْ فِتْنَةً يَجِيءُ أَحَدُهُمْ فيقول فَعَلْتُ كَذَا وَكَذَا فيقول ما صَنَعْتَ شيئا قال ثُمَّ يَجِيءُ أَحَدُهُمْ فيقول ما تَرَكْتُهُ حتى فَرَّقْتُ بَيْنَهُ وَبَيْنَ امْرَأَتِهِ قال فَيُدْنِيهِ منه وَيَقُولُ نَعْمَ أنت."

“Iblees (the devil) places his throne over water and dispatches his troops, and the closest of them to him is one who is greater in misguiding people. One of them comes and says, ‘I have done such-and-such,’ and he (Iblees) replies, ‘You have not done much.’ Another one comes and says, ‘I did not leave him until he divorced his wife,’ so he (Iblees) brings him closer and says, ‘Yes, you are the one.” (Reported by Muslim, which is one of the two most authentic collections of the Sunnah.)

Based on this and many other reports, many scholars, including the Hanafis and some Hanbalis, ruled that divorce is basically forbidden without a legitimate need, and here is what Imam Ibn Taymiyyah, the great Hanbali scholar, said about it: “The basic principle concerning divorce is that it is forbidden, and it is only permitted as much as is necessary.” Majmoo’ al-Fatawa, 33/81.

Islam also allows a woman to seek divorce if she is mistreated by her husband, and even if she is not mistreated, yet she hates to live with him,. it allows her to obtain separation from him through khul’, which basically entails giving the man back what he gave her as a dower (mahr). (That should make perfect sense.)

Has there been a religion, in history, that was more fair and balanced than this great religion of ours?

As for your comment about emotions, it makes perfect sense that emotional people are restrained during their times of emotional outburst from harming themselves and their families. Islam does not prevent the woman from seeking a separation if she hates her husband or hates to live with him (even if she was not mistreated), but has only made the process slightly longer to give her a chance to rethink her decision.

If the woman is not mistreated by the man, does not hate him, and does not hate living with him, then it is not halal for her to ask for divorce. Most people would find no problem seeing the wisdom in this stance.

Finally, I pray for myself and you to see the wisdom in Allah’s legislations for us, and to enjoy living in accordance with His word.

Allah knows best.