Peace be upon you, may Allah treat you kindly.

My question is:

How do I return to Allah?

I was raised in a normal house, clinging to tradition more than religion, except that my mother used to encourage us to memorize Qur`an and hadith. Years passed until I met someone who directed me to Allah and showed me how Islam is our entire life and that even our very own selves must be for Allah and even more. In the beginning, I used to find hypocrisy (nifaq)—may Allah protect us—and ostentation (riya`) in myself. I prayed to Allah often to heal my heart of these illnesses and I lived for a time, not seeing anything but Allah and what would please Him, my religion, my mission to call others to Islam, and my love for the people, always thinking about the best of them.

Several years passed and my situation changed. I left this good country and its pious companions, and everything around me was totally different. I struggled, but then I fell into sin. My poor heart changed and I became filled with loneliness.

I see myself busy with the life of this world and I testify to the fact that my heart is devoid of life. Even if I pray for forgiveness, I am afraid that my heart is already dead. I say, here, the diseases—showing off (riya`), hypocrisy (nifaq), pride in my own achievements (`ujb)—have piled up in my heart and bad thoughts and a lack of thinking have taken over my mind.

Is there any way I can come back?

I should also mention that every time I firmly intend to return to Allah, I want to live with the dignity of a believer, the sweetness of obedience, victory from Allah and His help.

So, how do I become sincere in my worship of Allah alone, without thinking about the benefits worship would bring for me?

Those are my questions, and I ask you to make du`a for me in my absence that Allah forgive me and guide me.

May the peace, mercy, and blessing of Allah be upon you also.

All praise is for Allah, and may peace and blessing be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family, companions, and whoever follows his guidance. To proceed:

We ask Allah for us, for all Muslims, and for you, to conceal our sins, to guide us, to make us love the faith, and to make it beautiful in our hearts; to make us hate disbelief, sin and transgression, and to make us among those who are guided. O Allah, accept our prayer!

You made a mistake when you left your wholesome environment with its good-natured people and pious companionship. You should go back to the way you were living before, if you can, and ask Allah to forgive you for what you have done. Know that Allah`s mercy is vast; it encompasses everything. In fact, it has overtaken His anger, so whoever struggles against himself will attain his goal. Allah Most High has said (in meaning), {As for those who strive hard in Our Cause, We will surely guide them to Our Paths…}[Al-`Ankabut 29:69]. I warn you strongly not to give up and lose hope in the mercy of Allah Most High. Have a good opinion of your Lord, for verily, He is as you think He will be; if good, you will find good, if bad, you will find bad.

Be more careful to fear Allah Almighty, in public and in private, and increase those hidden acts of worship that no one knows about but Allah, the Mighty and Majestic—fasting, standing in prayer, and asking for forgiveness in the last third of the night, etc., while making du`a. You will find sincerity by the power and might of Allah. May Allah grant us all sincerity and protect us from doing good deeds just to be seen (riya`), not practicing what we preach (nifaq), and the love of hearing people speak well of us (sum`ah). O Allah, accept our prayer! And Allah Almighty is more exalted and more knowledgeable.