In the name of Allah the Beneficent the Merciful

Praise be to Allah, prayers and peace be upon His Messenger.

Dear scholars;

I am in my thirties, and my shameful problem is that I have sex appeal towards males, and this began when I was a child of six years old, and I do not at all find what males find in females. Until now, I did not commit the obscene act, however, I frequently masturbate so as not to make the mistake. I would like to know if I am the reason of the state I am in now, and if I am the reason even if with a very tiny degree, is it reasonable to prevent myself from an appeal that I find in females and I cause to myself shame and misery in this worldly life before the Hereafter? Why am I like this? How can I get rid of what I am in right now, and become a normal man? Please, help me with your solution before I commit suicide? Explain to me my case and give me a convincing answer, that may prevent me from committing suicide. But, can I prevent myself from having that feeling? I give you an example: You can not eat, even for some days, but can you prevent yourself from having an appetite for food? Of course, not.

Please, help me before I commit suicide, even by praying for me. Please, kindly counsel me, is it permissible, in my case, to commit suicide?

In the name of Allah the Beneficent the Merciful

Praise be to Allah, prayers and peace be upon His Messenger.

First: As a matter of fact, a dilemma, what ever grave is, should never make someone to be disparate of Allah`s mercy and thinking of committing suicide. How it comes, and Allah said: "And do not kill yourselves, for Allah is merciful to you", (Quran,   :   ), and He said in the Divine Hadith on that who committed suicide: "My servant preceded me with himself, therefore I prohibited paradise to him".   

Second: That Allah does not hold any of His creatures accountable for what they think of, unless they commit deeds or speculate of them, and if the matter only becomes mere suppressed feelings in the self which did not articulate into deeds or words,, then it is in the realm of forgiveness. The prophet has made it clear that the reward of committing suicide is the eternal torture in hellfire?!

Our counsel and advice to is that you should be away from the realm of temptation; do not have privacy with someone towards whom you have sex appeal; lower down your gaze from them as you do for females; seek good company and do not sit alone by yourself, for being alone is evil for you; spend your spare time with praising and thanking Allah; think of Allah`s signs of His creations; perform your religious duties on time; do fasting as much as you can for fasting is a shield for you from hellfire; pray to Allah as much as you can so He can keep you safe from evil and have mercy on you. Cheer again, that mere thoughts and fantasies which are not translated into deeds or words are not held accountable. We pray to Allah to save you and us from evil and mischief.